


Six Months

by appleapple



Series: Time Gone By [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Deviates from the Battle of Shinganshina on, Established Relationship, Kidfic, M/M, Suspense, after the war, canonverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-19 21:51:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8225888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appleapple/pseuds/appleapple
Summary: Six months after Eren's return he and Levi are trying to balance parenthood and careers, with mixed success.  Family life is challenging, but when an old enemy resurfaces it will take everything they have to protect the new life they've built. This is a sequel to 10 Years  http://archiveofourown.org/works/4476662/chapters/10175732





	1. Chapter 1

It hadn’t been a good day.

The morning had been harried. Sonia’s usual tricks, Eren distracted by schoolwork; he’d been late to his first meeting of the day and it felt like he’d never caught up. It was raining as he walked up the cobbled path to their townhouse, and his cape was wet and heavy. But even in the gray late-autumn light his spirits were lifted by the sight of the house.

It was a tall house, clapboards painted a dark rust color with white trim. It was set back from the street by a winding path, lined on either side by decorative bushes; fat, tiny-leaved plants that he'd chosen because they'd seemed to him smug and self-satisfied, and they kept their lushness deep into winter. Mikasa favored delicate high-strung flowers, and as a result her garden was barren and dessicated as soon as the first frost hit. He almost always picked hardy, complacent plants--tiny roses, a crabapple tree, and erratic morning glories that were always throwing themselves over the fence into the neighbors' garden. 

He stripped off his wet cape in the front hallway, handing it to Ellen.

“Is Eren home?” he asked her tiredly. 

“Yes, sir,” she said. “But--”

“Later,” he said, waving a hand at her and trodding up the carpeted stairs to the nursery.

“But, sir!” Ellen called after him. He ignored her. The house wasn’t on fire, he could smell dinner cooking in the kitchen; everything else could wait.

He’d peek in on them and say hello; then he wanted a bath and solitude until dinner.

Eren was sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery, a textbook laying open on his lap. He was wearing the glasses and Levi paused before the open doorway to study him. He still couldn’t get used to them; when they’d moved back to Mitras Eren had cut his hair and changed his name, and the only thing that Levi had struggled with was the damn glasses.

“They look strange,” he demurred, when Eren asked him about it. “And you don’t need them.”

“The magnification is helpful when I’m reading,” Eren protested. “And Armin said I should change how I look--”

Sonia was sitting beside him, rocking her doll’s cradle. Neither had noticed him. There was a fire in the nursery grate, which was odd--Sonia and Eren both ran hot, and Sonia didn’t like fires in her room normally. But then it was a cold and rainy day; maybe Eren had asked for it.

There was a strange noise then; “Shhhhh,” Sonia said, rocking the cradle more vigorously. The noise intensified.

Wait a minute.

“What the hell--” Levi said, breaking the calm and striding forward. 

He peered down into the cradle--a tiny scrunched up face peered back.

“Wahhhhhhh,” it said. 

“What is that.” Levi said, deadly cold. 

Sonia looked up at him with smug triumph. “My brother,” she said. 

Behind him he heard Eren stifle a laugh. The bastard. 

“It wasn’t me this time,” Eren said, _sotto voce_ as he marked the place in his textbook.

“Lydia,” Levi said in disbelief, staring down at the infant. Sonia was lifting him out of the cradle, holding him up for Levi’s inspection. 

He looked at Levi uneasily as if he sensed that he needed to make a good impression, and gave the cautious wail again.

Sonia was putting him into his hands.

“God damn it,” Levi said, holding the baby to his chest. He patted Levi’s face--as if to comfort him.

“I tried to tell you, sir,” Ellen said disapprovingly from the doorway. She was a heavyset woman, and it had taken her this long to huff up the stairs after him. _“Miss_ Percet was here this afternoon, while you and Mr. Ackerman were out. To visit Miss Sonia, she said.” Ellen’s tone made it clear exactly what she thought of all this.

“And--what,” Levi said. “She forgot her child?” Unfortunately, that was exactly the sort of thing Lydia _would_ do.

“I think she means for you to keep him,” Ellen replied tartly. “Seeing as how you already have the other one. A matched set, like.”

“He’s my brother, daddy,” Sonia chirped helpfully.

“He’s daddy, I’m Levi,” Levi replied automatically, without turning around. “You just let her?”

“What was I going to do?” Ellen shot back, scandalized. “Leave the baby out in the _rain?"_ She turned on her heel, marching back down the stairs--without even asking if he wanted his bath drawn.

“You made Ellen mad, daddy,” Sonia informed him. She was holding her arms out expectantly. He glowered at her for a moment before returning the child. 

She set the baby down on the rug in front of the fire, where he sat up on his own, to Levi’s surprise. 

“He favors you,” Levi said to Eren, after a moment, and Eren giggled in a very undignified way.

“It wasn’t me this time,” he repeated, smiling as he watched Sonia parade her stuffed animals before the boy. The baby didn’t seem to know what to make of it. “Did you know she was pregnant?”

Levi snorted. “Of course not.” He sat down beside Eren on Sonia’s toy chest. 

“When was the last time you saw her?” 

“Six months ago,” he said sourly. “She must have just given birth to him. Lying hussy.” 

“What was she keeping it a secret for?” Eren wondered. 

“She didn’t want me finding out, obviously,” Levi said dourly. “She must have been trying to extort money from the father...I guess she wasn’t successful if she’s trying to dump him on us now.” He got to his feet.

“Where are you going?”

“To see Lydia, of course. Don’t hold dinner for me.”

 

 

 

 

“Why...Levi. What a nice surprise!” Lydia gave him her most sincere smile.

Which was also her least sincere smile.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing,” he asked her. He looked around the flat with distaste. Her maid had let him in, but she wasn’t very good at her job if the state of the place was anything to go by. Dirty clothes, wineglasses, empty bottles, letters, half-dead flowers, and parcel paper were everywhere. 

Lydia was sitting at her dressing table. Unlike the rest of the room she was perfectly groomed--her glossy black hair sat in curls high on her head, her silk dressing gown fell becomingly off of one shoulder, and she had an assortment of colored pigments and brushes laid out with military precision on the table before her. 

Her grey eyes met his eyes in the mirror, that wicked intelligent gleam of humor fully evident. He didn’t mind so much that she looked like him--it was the perversity of seeing the full range of her expressions, each one more dissembling than the last, when _he’d_ spent a lifetime schooling himself to perfect stoicism. 

It was petty maybe, but he didn’t care. There was nothing more disconcerting than seeing a stranger borrow your face--and watch them do things with it that you never would.

Unceremoniously he tipped over a chair, throwing a pile of lingerie to the floor. She watched in amusement as he sat down.

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m raising another one of your brats.”

“Well dump him at the orphanage then,” she said impatiently. “Really, Levi! I thought you’d be happy. You like Sonia so much.”

Unconsciously he’d clenched a hand against his thigh. “He’s a _person,_ Lydia. Who’s his father?”

“No one of consequence.” 

“What the hell were you thinking, having another child you had no intention of taking care of?”

“It isn’t like I _planned_ it,” she lied. “And what was I supposed to do with him once he got here? Drown him like a kitten? I can’t imagine you’d be much happier if I had.”

“I thought we went over how to avoid pregnancy the last time,” he drawled, crossing his arms over his chest, and she narrowed her eyes at him, acknowledging a point had been scored. 

“I thought things were going to work out between myself and the father,” she said primly. “As it turns out…”

“Ah, there it is,” he said rolling his eyes. “Tried to extort him like you did me and he wouldn’t play, huh? I hope you’ve learned your lesson this time.”

She sighed theatrically, raising her own eyes up. “You always think the worst of me,” she complained. “As it happens, when the father found out he told me to strangle him!” she said indignantly. “My baby boy! As if I had no maternal feelings at all.”

“No, that’s why you tried to dump him on me,” Levi said. “Because you’re such an excellent mother.”

"Then give him to that orphanage the newspapers are always carrying on about! Really, I don’t know what you want from me. I’m not taking him back!”

He stood up then and crossed the room, and a moment later he had pinned Lydia to her dressing table, sending the make up and brushes flying.

She shrieked, but it was abruptly cut short. 

“No more, Lydia. No more. No more foundlings, no more blackmail, no more schemes. I give you enough money to live comfortably, and I don’t interfere with how you choose to live your life. Live quietly and behave yourself. If not…”

“What?” she spat at him. “You’ll kill me?”

“No,” he said thoughtfully. “I’ll marry you off to some poor hick farmer, in the middle of nowhere. A nice man with a few orphaned children, who won’t mind a pretty wife with a checkered past.”

Lydia’s eyes had widened in horror. “You wouldn’t!”

“No more parties or fancy dresses or nights on the town Lydia.” He let her go. “You might want to think about what you’re risking the next time you think you see an opportunity for more.”

Lydia was bawling--more upset by the idea of losing her luxuries than her children, he noted without surprise. 

He knew better than to leave her like this--Lydia was sharp and bright, but impulsive. If he left her feeling like she’d been wronged then she was just as likely to lash out at him as she was to remember his message.

He stood there impassively, letting her cry and abuse him for five minutes. Then he said, “Do you need money, Lydia?”

She sniffed one final time, tears abruptly turning off. “I always need money,” she said, now dulcet-sweet. “You don’t know how expensive everything is, Levi! The flat, and my clothes, and winter’s coming and I need money for the fuel and I’m two weeks behind on Harriet’s salary--”

“How much do you need?” he asked, taking out a leather wallet, and marveling at her with a kind of horror. So much about her was familiar; her voice and quick delicate movements a twisted parody of the ones he knew and loved so well.

He knew, with benign resignation, that nothing he could do would keep Lydia from her chosen path. The money he gave her--paid in four quarterly installments a year, so she wouldn’t spend it all at once--was keeping her off the streets. But even so she lived far beyond her means. Eventually the expensive presents and gifts from her gentlemen would stop, and if she wasn’t clever enough to put a little money by (or, more likely, find an old dodderer to marry her) she was going to starve or freeze or die of consumption or some horrible venereal disease before she was forty.

He knew better than to tell her that. She might listen to him later, but she was keeping her looks well, and that future seemed as remote to her now as the surface of the moon.

Lydia was all smiles as she bid him goodbye, blessing him now that he’d lightened his purse for her.

 _I ended up paying her for another one of her brats,_ he thought ruefully as he began the long walk home. _Some fool I am, paying for something she was trying to give me for free. And this one’s not even Eren’s._

It was after ten when he finally got home, and for once Eren was waiting for him, instead of lost in a textbook. 

He had the door open before Levi had even reached for his key; he had to have been watching. 

“I thought you’d be home hours ago,” Eren said, pulling his cloak off and tsk-ing. “Why didn’t you take a cab, for god’s sake? Did you walk all the way here?”

“There weren’t any,” Levi said, letting him take the cloak, and taking the towel Eren offered. “It’s rotten out. I don’t blame them. Where is everybody?”

“The--ah--children are in bed,” Eren said. “I sent Ellen and Thomas home. Ellen had a cousin of hers come over, she’ll night-nurse for us. We still need a day nurse though. That is--unless you’re giving him back?”

Levi sighed. “That’s not a fate I’d wish on any child.” He pulled his boots off, leaving them by the door, and padded towards the kitchen, still in his damp clothes.

Eren had already put a kettle on. “Can I get you a blanket?” Eren asked him. “Or is that too much fussing?”

Levi gave him a crooked half-smile, and Eren settled the blanket around his shoulders. They both sat down at the rough wooden kitchen table and Levi leaned back, warming his hands on the cup Eren offered.

“I think we have to keep him,” Levi said slowly. “If I tell Sonia he’s got to go she’ll insist on going too,” he grumbled. He’d seen that look on his daughter’s face before. 

“She’s been asking for a brother too.”

“I know.”

“If you knew that before you left…”

“I had to go and give Lydia a piece of my mind,” Levi said, blowing on his tea. “And make sure she doesn’t do it again.”

“Do you think she will?”

“God, I hope not. We’ll need a bigger house.”

“What was she thinking?”

“Well, if you’ll recall she was never very careful about prophylactics,” Levi said drily. Eren blushed but he was smiling too; this was well-trod territory between them. “But I don’t think it was an accident. I think she was trying to blackmail someone and it didn’t work out.”

“Lord. I hope she’s learned her lesson.”

Levi grunted in agreement. “Do you mind?” he said after a moment.

Eren raised his eyebrows. “About the baby?”

Levi nodded. 

“I don’t think I can complain…”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Eren shrugged. “Well, I guess not. But I mean, do you?”

Levi sighed silently. “It’s awful timing,” he said. “It complicates everything. Things weren’t exactly going great to begin with…”

“I didn’t think things were that bad,” Eren said stiffly; Levi was too tired to figure out whether he was more hurt or offended or puzzled. Keeping his eyes on his tea he reached across the table to take one of Eren’s hands in his. He _felt_ Eren’s surprise, and his pleasure was easy to decipher.

“Later, huh?” he said. 

“Okay,” Eren said, squeezing him back. “Do you want something to eat? We saved a plate for you.”

Eren went and got it, and though Levi had been intending to go straight to bed he was too still too much of a soldier to turn down a meal that had been prepared for him. 

“Just come upstairs when you’re done,” Eren said, daring to stroke his damp hair.

Levi heard water running when Eren had gone. He didn’t rush--he ate the food carefully before washing the few dishes they’d used and putting them away. You needed servants to run a house like this, even with only three people living here. He’d always liked doing things for himself, but with both of them working it would have been impossible to keep up with all the cleaning and maintenance the house needed. And he’d always needed someone to help him with Sonia; Thomas and Ellen had been with him practically since she’d been born. There were also two part-time maids to help Ellen with the cleaning (one would have been enough, she said, if the master weren’t so _exacting)_ and a gardener, though they paid to keep their horses at the common stable down the street.

None of them had been sure how Eren would fit into that arrangement; the careful, delicate balance of propriety and familiarity and eccentricity that made their household run.

When they’d first come back to Mitras he’d been too ill from the journey to do much more than lie in bed those first two days. He still hadn’t recovered from his ordeal when they’d set out from Shinganshina. But by the end of the week he’d announced his plans for the future.

Levi had brought him back not even sure that he’d stay; Eren had decided--apparently all on his own--not just to stay but to put down roots. He’d enrolled at the university, in the medical school. Hanji taught there (now that there weren’t any more Titans to dissect she’d moved on to human cadavers) and she’d encouraged him when he’d gone to ask her advice. Eren’s classmates were all younger than he was, but they had far more technical knowledge. He’d spent the last six months cramming every moment he had, and Levi had gotten used to finding him passed out over a desk full of books and notes in the middle of the night.

The legacy his father had left him was an awful one. But Eren had chosen to find good in it. To heal.

“I’m tired of suffering,” he’d told Levi late one night, unprompted. “I want to put some good back in the world, if I can.”

On Armin’s advice he’d cut his hair and put on the glasses and changed his last name. Eren wasn’t so uncommon, but _Jaeger_...

Levi had found the acceptance letter addressed to Eren Ackerman tucked in between two books one day when he’d been tidying up. 

“Mr. Ackerman, huh?” he said, holding the letter between two fingers and Eren had blushed.

“It’s my sister’s name, and my daughter’s,” he’d said, a little defensively. “If I had to pick a new name--”

“I’m not giving you shit about it,” Levi had said, kissing him to shut him up. He still didn’t lay claim to the name himself. He’d been just Levi for too long for it to have any power over him. But he’d agreed with Mikasa when Sonia had been born; she had to have a name, and it wasn’t going to be anything that connected her to her mother.

He still wasn’t sure how they all fit together. _She’s mine,_ he’d told Eren when they’d first met again, like a jealous dog snarling over a bone.

But now. Sonia was Eren’s daughter too. If, for instance, Eren were to leave him--could he really stop him from taking her away? She was his by blood, and now by bond. She loved him--and there was no reason why she shouldn’t. He was her father, and he adored her. 

So who was the interloper here, really?

In spite of his love for those two people (and it was a love that engulfed him, wholly) he couldn’t help but feel that he was a placeholder. A glorified babysitter, even, now that Sonia had her real father back, like some princess in a fairy tale. 

He’d been her whole world. Now he was only one parent of two (and frequently the less-favored parent these days). And Eren...Eren was getting the chance, finally, to have the life he should have always led. 

He was making friends at school, he was working hard at his studies. Hanji couldn’t stop crowing over him; all those years of experiments had given him a stomach of iron, apparently, because she loudly proclaimed he was the only student who hadn’t thrown up at their first dissection.

He looked in on the nursery before going on to his own room. The door was half-open, the fire still warm and glinting in the grate. The night-nanny was asleep on a cot, the new baby asleep in the cradle beside her.

Sonia was asleep, the covers thrown off her, arms spread wide as if embracing the world.

 _Things do change_... he thought. It had been her and him, and now it wasn’t. He wasn’t such an idiot that he regretted that, but neither could he ignore how bittersweet it was.

Eren was waiting for him in the bathroom. The bathtub was full of sudsy hot water--but only halfway. As if in expectation of more than one person.

Eren had taken his shirt off.

Carefully he came up behind Levi, strong tanned arms wrapping around him. Levi watched his long fingers slowly unbutton his shirt. 

“Is this okay?” Whisper soft.

“Yes,” he said, turning his head. He kissed Eren full on the mouth. “This is good.”


	2. Chapter 2

Levi was still dressing when the door to his room opened. 

He raised his eyebrows at Ellen in surprise. “You don’t knock anymore?”

“You’ve got nothing I haven’t seen,” Ellen replied with casual savagery. She’d raised three boys. 

He studied her. “Is the house on fire?”

“No.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“You need a nanny for that child,” she said. 

“I thought you were arranging that. Eren said--”

“Not the baby! Miss Sonia.”

“We can take care of her,” Levi said automatically. This was an old argument. He’d always refused in the past--he didn’t want his child being raised by someone else, and there were already enough strangers in his home.

“Not when you’re away at work all day you can’t. She’s under _my_ foot all day, and you hired me as a housekeeper, not a governess. And now you’ve got two of them!

“Properly brought up young girls and boys have nannies. Your cousin knows that. If you wanted to have your wife stay home and mind them that would be one thing, but you’ve been unconventional and gotten yourself a doctor instead of a wife. I’ve got nothing to say about that, but you need someone to mind your children, _Captain.”_

He sighed. “So we’re supposed to have two nurses? And a nanny? That’s what you suggest?”

“Agh!” she said inarticulately. “Men! Taking care of children is _work_ you bloody dumb ox. Particularly yours. You and Mr. Ackerman stay home with the babies and try to run this household for a week. Then you complain to me about the cost of servants.” She snorted and started to walk away. Then she turned back; more gently she added, “When the baby’s weaned in a few months you won’t need the baby nurse. You can get a young girl to mind both children, and in a few years Sonia will be in school. It’s the hardest when they’re young, but it gets easier.”

He rubbed his face. Of course it wasn’t the cost at all, it was everything else. But he’d have to go and talk to Mikasa today. 

“Something wrong?” Eren asked him when he sat down at the breakfast table. He shook his head, pouring himself a cup of tea. “Ellen thinks we need to hire a nanny for the children.”

“There _are_ two of them now,” Eren observed, echoing what Ellen had said earlier. He glanced over to where Sonia was smugly attempting to feed the baby bits of porridge. Thomas had unearthed her old highchair from the attic. The baby was leaving his mouth open though, and most of it was falling onto the napkin tied around his neck. And the floor. “Did Lydia tell you his name?”

Sonia looked up sharply at that. “I’m calling him Rocky!”

“No,” Levi said. Rocky was the name of the neighbor’s dog. “He doesn’t have a name. She’d been calling him ‘baby.’”

“He’s Rocky,” Sonia said stubbornly. 

“No. We’ll talk about it later. We’re going to see Mikasa.”

“We are!” Sonia said, knocking over the bowl of porridge in her excitement. 

Eren grinned as Levi winced at the mess. “I have to get to class,” he said, packing up his things. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Mm,” he grunted in acknowledgment, letting Eren kiss him goodbye.

Ellen appeared to get Sonia into her coat and boots. After she cleaned up the mess with a long-suffering sigh Levi was left alone in the room with the baby.

“Gah!” he said suddenly, after staring intently at Levi for several minutes.

Levi took a sip of his tea. “You do need a name,” he said. “I suppose you might as well be an Ackerman too.”

There was a small knock at the door to the dining room, and Levi glanced at it in surprise. No one who should have been in the house now would have knocked. 

“Enter.”

It was the nurse, the one he’d seen sleeping in Sonia’s room when he’d gotten back last night. She seemed to be about Eren’s age, or a little younger. Her hair was a dirty straw color, and she was snub-nosed and freckled. On the tall side, plump, plain; nonetheless there was something appealing and fresh about her. He puzzled over what it was until he realized--she was almost exactly Lydia’s physical opposite.

“I brought the baby some warm clothes,” she said, holding onto a bundle. “Until you can get him some better things.”

Baby clothes. He hadn’t even thought of that yet--and of course neither had Lydia.

“Thank you,” he told her. “And thank you for coming on such short notice yesterday.”

She nodded, hesitated for a moment, then said, “He slept the whole night through. He’s a good baby; I don’t think you really need a night nurse, if you’re willing to get up with him sometimes...that is, Ellen told me you, er…”

"Take care of my own child?" He gave her an assessing look. “Please...sit down. What’s your name?”

“Diana, sir,” she said, and took the chair closest to the baby, pulling him into her lap.

“Auwww,” he said to her, and she gave him one of the little shirts to play with; he immediately started whipping it around in his chubby fist.

“He’s only six months old?” He had gotten the child’s birthday out of Lydia, at least. “I thought--”

She shrugged. “That’s not uncommon.”

“I think Sonia was over a year before she slept through the night.”

Some sharpness came into her placid face; “You’ll forgive me, sir,” she said, keeping her voice neutral. “But that girl is a little spoiled.”

Levi smiled. “You’re a relative of Ellen’s?”

“Her niece.”

“And what do you do when you’re not night-nursing?”

She looked a little surprised. “I char a little, but mainly I’m with my girl...My mother can’t always watch her, and I won’t leave her with strangers.”

He studied her for a moment. “No husband.”

Her expression became very bland; “No. Not anymore.”

He inclined his head to the baby. “And when can he be weaned?”

“Well--we always say when they can take a cup. Call it ten months or so.”

Levi grunted and drummed his fingers on the table. “How much do you make in a week?”

She hesitated, then told him.

“And if I paid you triple that--would you watch them for me? If he’s night-weaned as you say, then we’d only need you during the day.”

She stared at him for a moment, not understanding. Then she said, “You don’t mean...as a nanny?”

“Yes, of course.”

“But--”

“It’s not enough? Four times your salary then?”

She looked flabbergasted. “I’m...not a proper person to look after a young lady and gentleman!” she finally said. “I’m not educated!”

Levi snorted. “Did Ellen not tell you their mother is a prostitute?”

“Sir!” she gaped.

“They’re not mine.”

“Then why--never mind!”

“I don’t need an educated governess,” Levi told her. “This is not a conventional house. If you come and work for us, you’ll see that. I need a reliable person to mind them, and I don’t think a ‘proper person’ would last a week with Sonia. You said she’s spoiled; she isn’t. She’s a vixen.” He tapped his fingers on the table again, then said, “It’s your decision, and if you decline I won’t bear you any ill will. But I’d ask you not to talk about what I’ve told you today.”

She frowned. “Of course I won’t!”

“Sonia’s always been willful, but six months ago she went through something terrible. I suppose you know who I am, who I was; for political reasons she was abducted and held until we could rescue her.”

Diana inhaled sharply. 

“She isn’t an easy child to take care of,” he said bluntly. “It’s part of why I’ve been hesitant to expand our household. Her mother-- _their_ mother--bore this child without my knowledge; I only found out about him yesterday. So you see, it does seem as if my hand is being forced.”

Diana looked down at the boy, and then back to Levi. “Your...sister?” she guessed.

Levi shrugged. “No. But that’s more believable than the truth.”

Diana surprised him by laughing. “All right,” she said. “Well...let’s give it two weeks. A trial period. If you’re satisfied...and if I can manage your vixen for you...then I’ll stay on.”

“Wonderful,” Levi said; he shook hands with her. 

“Only I’ll need to bring my girl,” she said. 

He shrugged; “Sonia would probably benefit from the competition.”

 

 

 

 

He arrived at Mikasa’s house an hour later; Diana had gone home to get her own child, promising to meet him back at the townhouse for lunch. She’d take charge of the children then.

Already, he felt lighter having made the decision; knowing he could fob Sonia off on some reliable person in an hour was such a _relief_.

To his annoyance Ellen had gotten the whole story out of Diana when she’d gone off to change the baby, and she’d barged in on him for the second time that morning.

He’d put down his hairbrush. “We have to stop meeting like this,” he said solemnly.

Ellen put her hands on her hips, not amused. “When I told you they needed a nanny, I meant you should _interview_ people!”

“Diana seems to me a perfectly suitable person.”

“She’s not a governess! She hasn’t been to school!”

He looked at her askance. “What on earth does that matter?”

She frowned at him, and then snapped, “And you’re paying her too much!”

“Just this morning you were telling me how stingy I was.”

“That--ugh! You are impossible! I swear you only did this to spite me.”

“I did it because Diana seems like an honest, trustworthy person.”

“Well--she is--”

“You place too much on birth, Ellen. Character is what matters. And heaven knows that child needs a few more sober characters in her life to balance out the rest of us.”

Ellen made an incoherent gargle that might have been a laugh as she quickly turned away. “Yes, well...that I won’t argue with.”

“Can I press the bell, daddy?”

“Levi. Yes.”

He’d gotten Diana to help him tie the wrap, a long strip of fabric that held the boy to his chest. He was out of practice. Ellen had made disapproving noises in the background; “Gentlemen don’t carry babies!” He’d thought more of Diana for ignoring her; it occurred to him that he might have accidentally recruited an ally in his not-infrequent domestic battles with the housekeeper.

And then--only, he supposed, because he’d survived so many intrigues and coups and political plots--he’d wondered if Ellen’s real annoyance had been with the fact that Levi had hired a person who would stand up to her.

“Something funny?” Diana asked, adjusting the fabric over one of his shoulders. Ellen had finally left them in peace, walking away with her head held high when he’d expressed amazement at the fact that she’d already accomplished her morning duties, even though it was only half-past nine.

“Has she always been so stuck-up?”

“Auntie?” Diana gave the knot one final tug. He looked at himself--and the boy, gnawing on his fist--in the mirror. The wrap was tight and well-tied--better than he’d ever done it, and he hadn’t been too bad. “You’d be surprised.”

“Oh?”

She gave him a dimpled smile. “Anything else, sir?” And he noted her discretion. Another person might have revealed some peccadillo in Ellen’s past, attempting to ingratiate herself.

The maid let them into Mikasa’s house, but Mikasa herself--wearing a long gray gown, tight at the neck and the wrists--was right behind her. 

“Oh,” she said, eyebrows shooting up at the sight of the baby strapped to Levi’s chest.

“I have a _brother,_ Mikasa,” Sonia said, bursting with pride.

“That’s very--won’t you come in--” and she hustled them into the parlor, closing the door behind them.

 

 

 

 

“You’re going to keep him?” she said. They were drinking tea, watching the children play on the floor. Mikasa’s son was standing now; he’d just turned one.

“I suppose.”

Mikasa shook her head. “What a monster she is.” Meaning Lydia.

“She never had anyone to look after her. She doesn’t know any better.”

“You’re defending her now?” Mikasa said, eyebrow arched up in surprise.

“I feel sorry for her,” he said. “I hired a nanny.”

“Already?” 

“Life is a whirlwind, Mikasa.”

She laughed. “Lately? For you, yes it is. Do you want me to...er, let everyone know?”

“And ruin the surprise? I suppose that’s a good idea.”

 

 

 

 

Sometimes it was hard to grapple with Eren. With the others he'd been able to grow naturally into adult friendships. He’s known them all for so many years now that even lapses serve to bring them closer. He has more in common with his old squadmates than anyone else after all. 

But Eren's gone from 18 to 25 overnight. For him, for them, there hasn’t been time to marry the people they were to the people they are. In some ways Eren is still a teenager. He has more in common with the kids he goes to school with than the old friends his own age--who are established, mostly married adults.

And Levi is even older than that. It's not hard to feel as though he's holding Eren back.

 

 

 

 

None of it was easy for him. It didn’t come naturally to share his life with another person--especially an _adult_ person. 

It was hard to negotiate the space he needed with what he felt he owed Eren. Harder still because Eren was hardly even _there_ half the time, and when he was home he was lost in his studies. He knew how irrational it was. The more because on top of everything else part of him resented Eren. 

He didn’t want to interfere or ask for what he needed, and so Eren fell asleep at his desk, resting his head on a stack of textbooks more often than he fell asleep in Levi’s bed. And when Eren would turn to him, looking for sex in the fifteen or twenty minutes he had between leaving for one class or the next _(as if suddenly remembering his existence)_ Levi would turn away as often as not. 

Eren never seemed to mind, or at least he never showed it. He bore all Levi's moods with good humor. It had been easier in the beginning, somehow. His role had been clear. Protect Eren. Protect Sonia. Eren might still have an occasional bad night, but for the most part he’s put the ordeal behind him. There’s been no sign of the man Nobb, no hint yet of further reprisals.

And Levi knew, he _knew_ that he was damning himself, yet he could do nothing to stop it.

How to explain why sex isn't intimacy, why there are certain times he can't be touched? He'd never had to deal with any of this before. He didn't even understand it _himself_. The few lovers he's had have never lasted long enough for problems to develop.

He can't even complain that Eren isn't trying; he is. He's doing his best to negotiate; _is this okay? is this?_ When to ask. When to keep quiet. And that's part of the problem--because Levi won't talk about it, because Eren respects that. Eren has nothing else to go by. If he does something Levi doesn't like he notices, and he doesn't do it again. Even if Levi _wants_ him to. And Levi felt the loss of precious territory, and was helpless to stop it.

It had been easier when Eren had first come back, when he'd been cracked and fragile. Levi hated himself for feeling that way--because lord knew he didn't wish that on Eren, that he'd rather die himself than let the people he cared for be hurt again. But it had been easier--because he understood how to navigate crisis and injury better than mundane domesticity. 

And he was so afraid of the pain to come that he'd braced himself for it, unconsciously. It set them up in opposition, turned little problems into big ones. There was no point in not-sleeping in a bed by himself. He'd gone back to wandering the house at night, and falling asleep in his chair if he fell asleep at all.

If Eren noticed then he surely assumed it was what Levi wanted; for him, there was no reason to break the pattern.

Part of it. Part of it was...that as Sonia grew...as he held her through her nighttime horrors...he was remembering more of his own childhood. 

His mother. How she'd held him, just like that; the sweet smell of her hair brushing his cheek.

In the world he'd come from sex was not love. Sex was many things; currency, power, violence. Love was something else. Something much rarer. Something fragile, something that could easily be broken and lost. A lesson he'd learned many times over, though never as cruelly as that first time.

The past wasn't past, it was here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. Surprise! It's been a while. If you were waiting for this update, I'm sorry there probably won't be another one too soon since my main focus right now is another story, but I will get back to this. 
> 
> If you want to encourage more of this story (or any story) the best way to do that is to comment. We don't write in a vacuum and it's hard to maintain your excitement about a story if no one gets excited with you :P

What surprised him most about the next few weeks was how _easy_ they were. He’d been imagining every sort of catastrophe, but the new baby--as if sensing he was borne under sufferance--was a dream. After a week it felt as if he had always been there. 

(Levi told Eren that since they shared a mother this had to mean Sonia had inherited her temperament from him. Eren hadn’t been amused.)

They had a routine now; Diana came early in the morning to get the children ready for the day, the family breakfasted together, Levi and Eren went off to work and school respectively. In the evenings Diana left after the children were settled, unless Levi shooed her out early and put them to bed himself.

The household had never run more smoothly. Levi was beginning to understand why the rich outsourced their childcare.

The baby rarely woke at night, but when he did Levi didn't mind. It gave him something to do on his sleepless nights. He liked those quiet moments walking the halls, the two of them the only people in the world awake so late. Babies that young always seemed possessed of great wisdom; they regarded you like unblinking owls, weary little wrinkled faces watching the world as if they knew everything that was to come, until they grew old enough to forget it. This was a serious child. When Levi made faces at him he stared in silent regard until he burst out in tiny gales of laughter, sounding more like a wild animal than a human being.

Diana’s child was a sweet, quiet girl and Sonia--under the influence of better angels, perhaps--was better behaved than Levi could remember.

He gave Diana credit; would have doubled her salary again if she’d threatened to leave. But she seemed pleased with her situation. He’d given her an advance on her first two weeks’ pay, and he’d noticed at the beginning of the second week that she was wearing a new wool dress.

He’d also noticed that she’d bought her daughter new clothes before buying anything for herself. He’d heard Ellen scolding on her second day, and he’d wandered into the kitchen to see what the fuss was about. 

“That’s a boy’s suit!”

“With all that flowered embroidery? Don’t be silly, auntie.”

“Yes, and that embroidery must have cost half your pay! Are you mad, spending all that on something she’ll grow out of in a week?”

The girl--Mariah--was one-and-a-half. Mop of blonde curls, pudgy fair face. She solemnly offered him the wooden spoon she had been playing with. The little velvet suit was dark blue, heavily embroidered with white and pink and purple flowers.

“I think she looks very nice in it,” Levi said, startling them. 

Diana gave him a grateful look as she picked Mariah up and departed for the nursery. Ellen scowled and turned her attention back to the breakfast things.

It was exactly the type of thing that a loving mother--deprived of money, dignity, respect--might have admired a thousand times as she walked past a shop window, on her way to and from a job that barely paid enough to eat. Lydia had dropped the boy off in a summer smock and a tatty blanket; he’d idly wondered if the sudden change in weather--and a disinclination to spend her money on warmer clothes--had been part of the reason why she’d suddenly abandoned him.

“Have you named him yet?” Diana asked later that morning. He had stopped by the nursery to check on them before leaving.

“No.”

She frowned.

“It isn’t an easy thing. His mother is a very silly woman; he needs a name strong enough to overcome that sort of legacy.”

“Rocky,” Sonia said under her breath from the other side of the room. Diana inclined her head as if to say, _You see? This is what I am fighting against._

“Did you name Sonia?” she asked.

“Yes. It means ‘wisdom’. I was optimistic then.”

Diana grinned. She was getting used to his sense of humor. “What about Aldo, then?”

“Aldo?”

“Yes. It means ‘wisdom’ too.”

And so the baby was Aldo. 

 

 

 

 

Diana was everything Levi could have hoped for; more. But the best thing wasn’t that she was excellent with children, or kind, or discreet. It was that she was extraordinarily sensitive to the house and its inhabitants. On days he came home frustrated and out of patience they were tucked up in the nursery, as quiet as if they weren’t there at all. On better days the door was left open, and he could hear their laughter echoing through the house.

If there was any flaw in Diana’s character Levi would have bet on Sonia’s finding it. And there was, of a sort--Diana was appalled by tales of Sonia’s imprisonment. Especially when she asked Levi about it and was told that yes, they were all more or less true.

“Stop it! You’re giving me the horrors,” Diana would say when Sonia would start again on some heavily-embellished tale of her kidnapping.

Sonia had always been a little on the grisly side. Last summer when Hanji had blown up her house and had had to live with them for a month Sonia had been the only one sorry to see her go. She’d helped Sonia start a beetle collection, and had treated her to daily dissections in the yard--frogs, mice, and one memorable occasion a carter’s horse that had fallen over dead in the street. 

“It was overworked,” Hanji had said, stroking its head. “Poor thing.”

“You just disemboweled it,” Levi said, handkerchief covering his face. “There’s blood all over my hollyhocks. It _stinks_ Hanji.”

“For science, Levi!”

But there was an upside even to this--something Sonia could use to torment and tease an adult was something that had lost its ability to frighten her. Before Diana, Sonia had woken him up twice a week with her nightmares, sometimes even more than that. But in the month that followed the new nanny's arrival there were only two nights it happened, and on one of them she climbed into bed without waking him up. He hadn’t even known she was there until the morning. 

It had been one of those nights Eren had come to bed with him, and so he’d woken up with Eren on one side and Sonia on the other. 

For the first time in a long time he was content. So he was not as quick to check Sonia as he might have been.

And then one morning at breakfast Diana said, “I think I should have a gun.”

Levi had insisted she eat breakfast with them. Partly he had done that to irritate Ellen-- _she_ would have refused to eat with them even if he'd asked. Partly it was just his liberal nature. Mostly it was out of practicality; they could enjoy the children's company at breakfast without being late if someone else had charge of them.

He was also mindful of little Mariah. Sonia was the apple of his eye, but he was the first to admit she was a _difficult child._ He didn't want her to get ideas that she was somehow better because of who her parents were. Relegating Mariah to the kitchen, while Diana waited on them? No.

So they ate together--breakfast and sometimes lunch if one or both of them was home--occasionally dinner if they had plans later in the evening and Mariah was staying to mind the children.

Levi looked at her sideways. It was just the two of them and the children; Eren had already left for class. He was holding Aldo in his lap, as the baby gummed a piece of toast. “What do you want a gun for?”

“In case someone tries to kidnap Miss Sonia again!”

Levi looked over at Sonia, innocently pushing porridge around her plate.

"Do you know how to use a gun?"

"Someone could teach me."

Before he could say anything else there was the sound of the front door bell; voices in the hall as Ellen went to open it. Levi stood up and passed Aldo to Diana. 

"Let's talk about it later," he said mildly. He gave Sonia a warning look which she pointedly ignored; passing by her chair he told his daughter,

"Don't you terrorize her today."

"Wasn't," she replied in a defiant undertone.

"We're going to have a talk tonight," he informed her. "Remember that."

She glared, but didn't say anything else.

 _She's all smiles for Eren,_ he thought, a little sourly as he left the dining room. _She saves the scowls for me._ But then Eren never punished, threatened, coerced; he had Levi to do all that.

"Hello," Armin said, smiling at him; they shook hands. 

"Any luck?"

Armin shook his head, smile turning into a rigid grimace. "How are you?" he looked past Levi's shoulder at the closed door. "I heard you have a new inhabitant." He raised an eyebrow. 

"Yes. Should I introduce you?"

"Please," Armin laughed. "Is Eren here?"

Levi shook his head. "Class."

"Early today."

Levi grunted, following Armin back into the dining room. Sonia brightened when she saw him, running into his arms; all the old squadmates were her uncles and aunts (though Mikasa was her undisputed favorite).

"Armin!" she yelled, accidentally headbutting him as she threw her arms around him.

"Ow!"

"What did you bring me?" she asked, fluttering long lashes as she clung to his neck, half-strangling him.

He gargled some kind of response, unsuccessfully trying to peel her away.

"This is Aldo," Levi said, pointing at the baby. "That's Diana, our nanny. Mariah is her daughter. Diana, this is Armin. An old friend of the family."

_"Aldo?"_

"I wanted to call him Rocky," Sonia stage-whispered to him. "I still do, sometimes."

"All right, children," Diana said, rising and removing Sonia with an effortlessness that won her Armin's immediate respect. "Say goodbye to the gentleman. It's time we went on our walk." 

Mariah and Sonia chorused an obedient "Bye-bye!" while the baby garbled, and then--like magic--the room was empty and quiet as the troupe of them went slaloming away.

Armin was still rubbing his neck. "She has a grip," he said. "Are you still teaching her to fight?"

"Of course."

"I hope your next lesson is about showing mercy to an opponent."

 

 

 

 

Eren had finished his classes for the morning and was on his way to the library when someone called out to him.

"Mikasa!" he said, smiling and giving her a quick embrace around his armful of books.

"How are you?" He hadn't seen her in weeks; between school and Levi and the children he had little time for anything else.

"Good," she said as they pressed cheeks together. She stepped back, regarding him fondly. 

"How's my nephew?" Eren asked.

"He's good too. How's _my_ nephew?"

"Fine," Eren laughed. He juggled his books to his other arm; tried to protest when Mikasa took the bulk from him. She ignored him and linked her free arm with his.

"I thought we could have lunch," she said, steering him back the way he'd come.

"Ambushing me?"

"How else am I supposed to see you? You're never around."

"School's keeping me busy."

"And the new baby?"

"Levi and Diana do most of the work, I'm ashamed to say," he said, not sounding very ashamed. Mikasa at least was easy company; he could get a little studying in while they ate and talked.

She pulled him into a cafe across from the university, busy already with the student lunch crowd. "Armin's back," she said carefully. "He sent me a note this morning. I thought we could all have dinner before he has to leave again."

 _That_ got his attention. Marking his place in his book he looked up at her. "Did he...find anything out?"

"I don't know," she said. "He wouldn't put something like that in a note."

Eren frowned as the waitress brought their food over. Neither of them began to eat; he was looking away into the crowd; Mikasa was watching him. "How are you?" she asked again, gently and more seriously than before.

"Oh--fine. I'm all right."

"Are you still in pain?"

He shook his head, but he was still frowning and looking off into the distance. Remembering, maybe, she thought.

"And Levi?"

"Huh?" he jerked his head back over to her. "What about Levi?"

"How is he?" she asked patiently. 

"You just saw him, didn't you?" he asked, puzzled. Levi saw Mikasa more than he did; they were always shuttling the children back and forth, going to the park together, that sort of thing.

"Yes," she agreed serenely, and Eren frowned at her.

"Did he--is something--" Eren ventured, after a long-ish pause. He couldn't imagine Levi confiding in Mikasa, but then he couldn't have imagined, well... _any_ part of this life. Mikasa has--admittedly--spent more time with Levi than _he_ has these last few years. 

He wracked his brain but couldn't think of anything to warrant these oblique hints; if anything Levi had seemed more _relaxed_ this last month--to Eren's tremendous relief. He hadn't known what to think when he'd come home that night to find the newest foundling--already installed in Sonia's room, and Ellen as spitting mad as a hot stove.

He'd been preoccupied with schoolwork and lectures, dissections and specimens for so long that it was hard to focus on a more immediate and less abstract problem. But _was_ there a problem?

Suddenly he remembered what Levi had said to him, that night of Aldo's arrival. He'd been surprised and a little annoyed to hear Levi talk as though there was some acknowledged difficulty.

In the past few months...Levi had developed almost an aversion to touching. Eren had tried to be respectful. Sex had gone from daily to weekly to practically monthly, but he'd remembered the way Levi had treated him, right after his rescue. Levi had been patient, _so_ patient, he thought wistfully. He never would have thought he'd be looking back to that time with _nostalgia._ But things had at least been simpler.

Now...there were all these rules, unwritten, unspoken. Levi never talked about it; the few times Eren had tried to bring it up hadn't gone well. There had been times Eren had seen him flinch or keep himself still, when he had reached for him. Brief moments, there and gone, but Eren knew him well. He didn't comment, didn't want to embarrass or annoy Levi with complaints (Levi had waited for him--Levi had been so patient with him, after all). But he remembered, and whatever had caused it, he tried not to do it again.

He just hoped it wasn't the start of some kind of obsessive aversion. Hanji had told him about some of her medical cases, people obsessively hand washing and door checking. He didn't know if Levi's dislike of touching fell into that kind of category--and wasn't indiscreet enough to bring it up to _Hanji_ \--but he also didn't know how to square it all in his own head. 

_Why_ had things changed? Everything had been so good at first, deliriously good. And after his rescue, during his recovery Levi had been so tender with him, so sweet. So what had changed? Why was it that things between them had gotten worse _after_ he'd been rescued? _After_ he'd gotten better? After they'd--finally!--been safe and comfortable and together?

It _was_ frustrating, but whatever was going on with Levi, he'd tried to be understanding and patient and sympathetic, all those things Levi had been with him. He'd tried to be considerate of what Levi liked and didn't. 

He had thought that things were finally getting better, and now here was Mikasa appearing with pointed hints like some aprice sibyl. He tried a milder scowl; she smirked a little and looked away, taking a sip from her cup.

"Am I supposed to talk to you about my sex life?" he asked suddenly. When all else fails go straight at them; good advice from his military days. Still good when you were talking to your inscrutable sister. There was always the hope that you might startle something out of her.

"Eren!"

"Is _he?" ___

____

____

__"Why, are you having problems?" she shot back._ _

Eren's scowl deepened. Great, now he'd all but confirmed that they _were_. 

__"He's unhappy," Mikasa said, after a moment. Taking pity on him._ _

__He looked at her in surprise. "He is? Why? Did he tell you that?"_ _

__She gave an inaudible sigh. "No," she said. "I can tell."_ _

"He seemed better lately," Eren ventured, and she looked at him as if he were an idiot. 

_Because if you knew he was unhappy, why haven't you done anything about it?_ his brain asked, finally catching up with the conversation.

"I mean," he said, after a moment. "I just. I tried asking him, a couple of times..." _He wouldn't talk to me, what was I supposed to do?_ but fortunately he managed not to say _that_ out loud. Even he could hear how lame and childish it sounded. Ditto, _But I've been busy, I've had school..._

Not for the first time he felt what his self-imposed exile had cost him. He didn't have any experience with relationships. Levi had become his lover, but he was still that remote and distant Captain in his head. 

__"Try asking again," Mikasa suggested with almost withering patience._ _

"Wait a minute--was he--is he--was he happier before I came back? Is _that_ why you're telling me this?" 

__"Eren!" she snapped, startling him. "Don't start that again. You can't outrun all of your problems. Some of them you have to just stay and deal with."_ _

__"I wasn't--" he tried to protest._ _

__"He's done a lot for you," she said reproachfully; it seemed he'd finally been stupid enough or dense enough to break down the famous Ackerman resolve. It still surprised him to hear her defend Levi--he still remembered her as she was. As they had been. Back when her loyalties had been almost reversed._ _

__He grimaced and took a sip of his--now cold--tea. "I know he has."_ _

__"He doesn't think about himself," she said. "He thinks about Sonia, he thinks about you, he thinks about Historia and the government and the country. You can't just let him take care of you, Eren. You're not a child anymore."_ _

__

__

__Mikasa's words stayed with him the rest of the day. Hanji taught an afternoon class and he sat in the back, taking notes that would be almost incomprehensible to him later._ _

He wasn't an idiot; he wasn't even bad at people. But he was out of practice. His years away had changed everyone, and he supposed they had changed him too. But he didn't _feel_ like they had. Even months on, he kept expecting them to be the same people they once had. 

__But they weren't. Take Jean: He remembered him as an insufferable asshole from their teenage years, now he's one of Eren's favorite people. Hell, he'd spent most of Mikasa's last dinner party just talking to Jean and ignoring everyone else, and hadn't even realized until they were on the way home._ _

__All their old rivalries have been laid to rest, but the old allegiances have changed too. Once he and Armin and Mikasa had been inseperable; now Armin spends all his time closeted with Historia, and Mikasa and Levi might as well be brother and sister. And Eren's practically best friends with Jean. He smiled and shook his head._ _

__He supposed--copying down the diagrams Hanji has drawn on the chalkboard--that Sonia had been the start of it; Mikasa had wanted to hang on to Sonia as a connection to Eren, had wound up befriending Levi as a result. They're alike--the same reserve, the same selfless focus on others, the same inward orientation towards their families, the same dutiful public-mindedness._ _

_She knows because whatever Levi's problems are, she's probably gone through some version of them herself,_ Eren thought. Mikasa and Jean seemed happy; they had learned to navigate married life. She understood Levi because she was a lot like him. 

_God, that doesn't mean I have to ask Jean for relationship advice do I?_ He hoped not. He didn't think their nascent friendship would survive it. 

__When class was over he was one of the last to make his way down the stairs. He always stayed a few extra minutes to talk to Hanji, sometimes going back to her office to hear about her latest experiments and theories. He thought she had to be one of the only people in the world disappointed that they'd eradicated the Titans, but she'd gamely turned her attention to other areas of study._ _

__"How's the family?" she asked cheerfully, gathering up her notes and papers at the lectern._ _

__He smiled--with a little less than his usual enthusiasm considering his conversation with Mikasa. "Good," he said. "You should come by. Sonia would like it." Though Ellen had threatened to quit if Hanji ever came to the house again._ _

__"Yes," she agreed. "A good girl. How's her brother? Walking yet? Talking?" They were walking down the hallway to her office._ _

__He shook his head. "I think that's when they're older."_ _

__"Huh. Does he do anything yet?" She pushed the door of her office open and motioned Eren in ahead of her._ _

__"Uh--babytalk. He likes Levi, Levi's good at making him laugh."_ _

__"Levi's always been good with children," she answered absently, scribbling something on a piece of paper. "We're going to start clinical in the next few weeks."_ _

__"You think we're ready?" he asked uneasily._ _

__"You've at least been trained in the scientific method," she answered. "Unlike _most_ of these quacks that call themselves doctors." She shook her head. "And you have to start talking to patients at some point. It's a skill, like anything else."_ _

__He nodded, not looking very reassured._ _

__"Have you thought anymore about what I asked you before?"_ _

__"Hanji--" he protested. "I haven't even been in school a year yet--"_ _

__She shrugged: _so what?_ "You could still teach an intro class." She grinned. "They won't know you're not a seasoned academic."_ _

__He made a face. She was referring to the fact that he was the oldest of his classmates. "Are you that desperate for instructors?"_ _

__"As a matter of fact--!"_ _

__"I'll think about it Hanji..."_ _

__"Come on, Eren," she whacked him with a stack of papers. "You scored very well. You're a good student. You'd be a good teacher, too."_ _

__"Ugh. You are desperate."_ _

__"Two of my instructors are quitting at the end of this semester," she admitted. "They've been offered jobs elsewhere."_ _

__"So I wasn't your first choice after all? Hanji, I'm hurt. How many people turned you down before you got to me?"_ _

__She just grinned at him. "So you'll do it?"_ _

__"I should talk to Levi about it," Eren said suddenly--he'd been on the verge of saying yes._ _

__She nodded agreeably as if that settled it, and he felt obscurely guilty. He'd only been thinking of his own skills, his own strengths and weaknesses. Did he want to teach? Would he make a good teacher? He hadn't even given a thought to how taking on another responsibility might affect the household--that was _Levi's_ job. Without this afternoon's conversation with Mikasa he probably would have said just said yes, and blithely come home to tell Levi what he'd done without giving it another thought._ _

_I'm more like another child than an adult,_ he thought with sudden unease. He was away most of the time, and without him everything in the house still ran like clockwork; children still got fed, servants still got paid, clothes cleaned and mended and put away, meals prepared and waiting for him no matter what time he got home. _Levi thinks of all these things. I don't._ He tried to tell himself--no, he was considerate of Levi, he tried to think of Levi's needs, and that was true, but only in the moment--when he was there. To the greater structure of their lives he spared not a thought--he thought of himself as a doctor, someday, but what about everyone else? 

__"Eren? Something wrong?"_ _

__He shook his head. "No, everything's fine, Hanji. What are you doing tonight? Do you want to come to dinner? You can meet the baby, you haven't even seen him yet."_ _

__Hanji looked a little surprised. "Well..." her eyes drifted to the door, down the hall where her laboratory was._ _

__"Come on, Hanji. You can have someone else check on your experiments tonight. When's the last time you even saw Levi?"_ _

__"It's been a while," she admitted. "All right, all right. What time?"_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is loved!


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